butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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