You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
