You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i would punch a child for taco bell
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
