i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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