I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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