Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
