We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
