guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
