honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
