fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
