Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
