ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
