this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
