She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
