All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
