That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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