I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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