So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I believe in your delicious
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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