note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
