Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
