Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
