what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I've blown a few things in my day
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
