I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
