This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
