Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
