Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
