I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
