Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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