I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
