All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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