If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
