Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
