CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
