Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
