Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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