Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have feelings that need drinking.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
