wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
