I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
