Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize