I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
