I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
