Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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