Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
