Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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