I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
