Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize