Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
