dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
