I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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