I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
