if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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